Follow Your Bliss

There's this book I like to refer to every time I date a guy. Its called, "He's Just Not THAT Into You." It really saves a lot of time talking about whether or not someone likes you. Honestly, since I've read that book I don't think I've ever been "confused" with what a guy tells me because if he doesn't want to be with me, he won't. Period. Now, obviously I'm not a man, so what do I REALLY know, right? I don't know, BUT I can feel and I feel that "reasons" are excuses. I don't like excuses, it doesn't make me feel too good and I would assume it wouldn't make you feel to good either. Enough said.

So I read my last post and I did it. I'm afraid the decision I made wasn't wise, but it was needed. I left what was "secure" and I'm taking a chance, but in my beliefs, "when you do what you love, the universe supports you," so if I follow what I love, maybe I wont go wrong after all. I've always made "life" moves I was afraid to make, but I knew I had to take the risk. What I haven't always done was made moves I knew I needed to before it was too late, until recently. Its just another "type" of cycle I had to break. I tend to stay within certain situations because of my current feelings or emotions without thinking about the consequences to the answer i already knew....

After 2 months of contemplation, I finally decided what I'm going to do... Its always kind of scary (to me) doing something different and walking away from a routine I've grown accustom to, but I have to be happy so I will risk familiarity for happiness.  I've found myself complaining about the same things over and over again, so why would I continue doing what doesn't fulfill me? The great thing is, every time I changed the direction in my life, it has always worked out for the best in some way or another, even if it started out rocky.  I look forward to my change and hope that it brings me closer to the dream that I am seeking!

PART 1: What’s wrong with me? A question many women I know, personally, tend to ask when things don’t go right in relationships.   A question I even ask myself, sometimes. Well, tell me, what is wrong with you?   Tell me, what is wrong with me ? There you go…there’s our answer.   The very fact we doubted ourselves enough that we had to ask that question. Its so simple, yet so complicated. Its been said that, “whether you think you can or you can’t – your right.”   I can honestly say I believe this with all my heart…the only problem is… I haven’t mastered it. Could everything I was against be all that I could love?   Could everything I worried about in “relationships” be apart of my greatest joy?  Possibly.    

I think its great how some people are so good with not letting things get to them – like my mom for example, if someone told her something negative, she’d have a, “fuck off” type of attitude and maybe punch them in the face then go on about her day like nothing was ever said or happened. Me on the other hand, being a sensitive sally, I let stuff get to me and I can’t shake it off as easily. Especially if I know I didn’t do anything wrong. What really bothers me is that I don’t understand how he can appear to be so cool with everyone else, yet say shitty remarks towards me….? Its like what did I do to you to be disrespectful towards me? I suppose those questions are apart of a class I should never sign up for…. I’m the type of person who likes to see circumstances as “lessons learned,” but I don’t know about this one…? The only thing to come out of it was hurt feelings – I guess maybe a reminder of why I should go solo.

Its been a sucky experience having to live somewhere and then being kicked out last minute 3 times in less then a month. All I was doing was complaining about moving all of my stuff from place to place and felt everything I was doing was going wrong! All I wanted was a home to feel welcomed in, but when I got to thinking about everything I was like, “wait a minute…” I have a lot to be grateful for. I had some friends helping me that didn’t even need to… going out of there way to make sure I have somewhere to sleep..opening up there homes to me if I needed a place to stay…checking ads and checking craigslist…sending me links to apartments and rooms…checking on my status everyday. I guess going threw something a little bad couldn’t have been better. So, thank you to those who helped me. I will always remember and be grateful :-) I know everyone has their own battles, and some WAY worse then mine. I’m not complaining, just trying to express something positive out of something that wa...

Right before I went to bed I thought.. Some are “lucky” and some are “driven.” Wouldn’t it be nice to live under a roof for free… Wouldn’t it be nice to have my parents pay for my car or insurance… Wouldn’t it be nice to have had someone else pay for school.. Wouldn’t it be nice if my parents bought me things I wanted – ipod, camera, computer etc. Wouldn’t it be nice if I had someone to help me financially when I fall… …and for those who are in the same boat as I am, maybe you’ll agree – maybe you won’t, but in the end, it feels a whole lot better knowing I’m doing it on my own ☺ Driven.