Follow Your Bliss

After 2 months of contemplation, I finally decided what I'm going to do... Its always kind of scary (to me) doing something different and walking away from a routine I've grown accustom to, but I have to be happy so I will risk familiarity for happiness.  I've found myself complaining about the same things over and over again, so why would I continue doing what doesn't fulfill me? The great thing is, every time I changed the direction in my life, it has always worked out for the best in some way or another, even if it started out rocky.  I look forward to my change and hope that it brings me closer to the dream that I am seeking!

PART 1: What’s wrong with me? A question many women I know, personally, tend to ask when things don’t go right in relationships.   A question I even ask myself, sometimes. Well, tell me, what is wrong with you?   Tell me, what is wrong with me ? There you go…there’s our answer.   The very fact we doubted ourselves enough that we had to ask that question. Its so simple, yet so complicated. Its been said that, “whether you think you can or you can’t – your right.”   I can honestly say I believe this with all my heart…the only problem is… I haven’t mastered it. Could everything I was against be all that I could love?   Could everything I worried about in “relationships” be apart of my greatest joy?  Possibly.    

I think its great how some people are so good with not letting things get to them – like my mom for example, if someone told her something negative, she’d have a, “fuck off” type of attitude and maybe punch them in the face then go on about her day like nothing was ever said or happened. Me on the other hand, being a sensitive sally, I let stuff get to me and I can’t shake it off as easily. Especially if I know I didn’t do anything wrong. What really bothers me is that I don’t understand how he can appear to be so cool with everyone else, yet say shitty remarks towards me….? Its like what did I do to you to be disrespectful towards me? I suppose those questions are apart of a class I should never sign up for…. I’m the type of person who likes to see circumstances as “lessons learned,” but I don’t know about this one…? The only thing to come out of it was hurt feelings – I guess maybe a reminder of why I should go solo.

Its been a sucky experience having to live somewhere and then being kicked out last minute 3 times in less then a month. All I was doing was complaining about moving all of my stuff from place to place and felt everything I was doing was going wrong! All I wanted was a home to feel welcomed in, but when I got to thinking about everything I was like, “wait a minute…” I have a lot to be grateful for. I had some friends helping me that didn’t even need to… going out of there way to make sure I have somewhere to sleep..opening up there homes to me if I needed a place to stay…checking ads and checking craigslist…sending me links to apartments and rooms…checking on my status everyday. I guess going threw something a little bad couldn’t have been better. So, thank you to those who helped me. I will always remember and be grateful :-) I know everyone has their own battles, and some WAY worse then mine. I’m not complaining, just trying to express something positive out of something that wa

Right before I went to bed I thought.. Some are “lucky” and some are “driven.” Wouldn’t it be nice to live under a roof for free… Wouldn’t it be nice to have my parents pay for my car or insurance… Wouldn’t it be nice to have had someone else pay for school.. Wouldn’t it be nice if my parents bought me things I wanted – ipod, camera, computer etc. Wouldn’t it be nice if I had someone to help me financially when I fall… …and for those who are in the same boat as I am, maybe you’ll agree – maybe you won’t, but in the end, it feels a whole lot better knowing I’m doing it on my own ☺ Driven.

People seem to think your sweet They don’t know the secret I know when I reveal your vindictive ways Your million-dollar deal will slap you in the face I say Watch out, watch out The truth is comin’ Watch out, watch out your empires’ crumbling executives they’re are gonna keep on ramblin’ your big man money is about to make you fall I say Chorus: Haha Haha I’m about to tell them , yeah Haha Haha I’m about to let them know Haha Haha I’m about to tell them your shady ways your shady ways Did you think you’d hide it for long Feedin’ off the insecure Rollin’ dice with lives on the line Ohh boy your gonna burn in the light of good can you hear them sayin’ Watch out, watch out The truth is comin’ Watch out, watch out your empires’ crumbling executives they’re are gonna keep on ramblin’ your big man money is about to make you fall I say Chorus: Haha Haha I’m about to tell them , yeah Haha Haha I’m about to let them know Haha Haha I’m about to tell them your shady ways your shady ways

When I was younger I always thought I would be a little more brave about "certain" things as i grew older, but it seems it has turned out quiet the opposite. Sometimes it seems like life would be so much easier with JUST being selfish and worrying about me. No one could ever hurt me if i didn't let them in, and for some weird reason I rather be lonely then have all the problems that could occur - again. Actually, I shouldn't call it "lonely" because I'll always have my friends and family. Besides, just because a person doesn't have a significant other doesn't mean their doomed to be sad or feel emptiness. There's something about being in the moment of " single- ism " LOL that has brought me true happiness. To be honest, its when I'm single i truly fulfill my happiest moments!? Crazy. Maybe its because the only person who can give me full attention is myself. Its interesting because when i think about being in a relatio

?'s = Interested

Love + Lies = Enough to make the wise man mad, And the most clear-sighted blind;

I tell myself, “A heart is never broken; It can only stop beating.” ...No question nor tear can change what has already been written, so why ask “why?” Why ask “what?”

MY STORY: THE MOVE TO L.A. Current mood: determined Category: Life Just so you know a little more about me, I wanted to write a short version of my move to L.A…. I met up with a friend for tea today and we got to talking and she asked me about my move to L.A., so I began to tell her my story – my story that I totally forgot about!! Lol However, it got me to thinking about the year I moved here and how I felt – how hard it was knowing NO ONE, having NO money, NO place to live, and all the while being heartbroken because I was dumped by my (then) boyfriend. Lol… I moved to L.A in the summer of 2005. When I moved here I didn’t have a home. (Originally I am from the Merced/Modesto area here in California.) I was offered a go-go gig every weekend at a club downtown Long Beach. At the time

Too many broken hearts; Too many questions unanswered and too much self-doubt. I think we have ALL asked ourselves, "why" and "what" - Pondering on how we did everything they wanted and yet we were still betrayed. Knowing we did all the right things (or at least we think we did) to only be done wrong. However, maybe that is where the problem begins? Vaulnerable to love; Allowing yourself to be stripped of your identity to make someone else happy, will leave you weak in every way. Although we are accused for being crazy and making false accusations, the heart never lies and God doesn't give us "signs" for nothing. No question nor tear can change what has already been written, so why ask "why?" Why ask "what?" But, what if you put ALL that time and energy into your dreams, your hobbies? If you were that good to him/her, why can't you be that good to YOU? I mean, isn't it possible that you could love– YOU? I choose to make ME m

For the singer who loves to sing but can’t because they lost their voice… For the pitcher who loves to pitch in the game but can’t because he tore his rotator cuff… For the runner who loves to run but can’t because they sprained their ankle… …I guess taking a break when things get bad is needed to help us heel, makes us better. Denying the pain just makes things worse. So, maybe a good way to look at it is that stepping back from what you don’t want to step away from, is the best way to take a step forward.